FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: What’s your main goal in life?
A: To keep microplastics out of my blood long enough to become an HBO showrunner.
Q: Where are you from originally?
A: By New York City standards, I am from the remote backwoods of “Upstate New York,” also known as 25 minutes north of the George Washington Bridge.
Q: What’s your drug of choice?
A: It seems inappropriate to publicly say psilocybin, so let’s go with espresso.
Q: What are your politics?
A: I’m an ideological wingnut who thinks people should have food and medicine.
Q: Who is your muse?
A: Cecilia Giménez.
Q: What are your plans for the myriad forthcoming societal collapses and environmental calamities?
A: Jim Cramer’s gotten me this far, and by God I will stick with him.
Q: Why did a man bowl a perfect 300 on 9/11?
A: Hey, why is the sky blue? Some things are just beautiful and not meant to be understood.
Q: Isn’t it true that you purchased a pair of size 12 Bruno Magli Lorenzo boots in 1994?
A: On the advice of counsel, I invoke my Fifth Amendment privilege against self-incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question.